Friday folderol and Saturday snippets

in which our plucky heroine sews like the wind...

I really wanted to make visible progress on the denim hat project before my Sewing Nomads zoom this morning. So I stayed up much too late last night, and barely woke up in time to fall out of bed and fall into my daytime clothing before waking up the computer. But, the hat is well on the way to being finished. All that remains to finish is the crown lining and the hatband, which I plan on working on tonight and probably tomorrow. While there are a few steps that can be done on the machine, attaching the crown lining to the hat, and attaching the hatband ditto, all require fairly awkward hand stitching inside the existing partially finished hat. I plan on taking it slow and careful, unlike last night when I ended up stabbing myself while basting the brim layers together...

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~ week 8 ~

So, I finished the shrug, and it turned out cuter than expected... I used the Shrugs & Kisses pattern (free on Ravelry), with the following modifications: I used size 0 needles; initial moss stitch 3 rows instead of 4; once changed to stockinette I knit till the length was 4cm not 5cm, then did the 4 border rows in moss stitch as called for. I think the shrug fits Nandina pretty well, and the pattern is very easy and fast to knit. If I had not already knit all my tinyfolk vests that fill this wardrobe niche, I'd be knitting more of these little shrugs...

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The big zucchinis that were in my grocery box this week have been transformed into small chunks of oven blasted veggie bits. I am thinking of layering them with some tomato sauce and cheese, as a sort of summertime faux-sagna.

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August SMART goals (x=extra)

#	THINGS MADE	THINGS FIXED	THINGS GONE
1	2 pillowcases	nut chopper handle	yard waste bin
2	yak print	elderberry harvest	-
3	tiny bell-bottoms	refurbish Felco	-
4	tiny camisole	-	-
5	small pressing tools	-	-
6	tiny playset	x	x
7	x	x	x
8	x	x	x
9	x	x	x

today's gratitudes -
1. binder clips... I rarely use them for their intended purpose, but I often use them to close bags of foodstuff in the chest freezer, for example.
2. there are wonderful short stories by Ursula Vernon readable online...
3. the weather is forecast to cool down further in the next few days.

Time of Isolation - Day 1491

hoping for homeostasis

in which our plucky heroine perseveres...

Doing my best to be gentle to self and others, to appreciate the small blessings (on this day of blessings) and always, to continue whatever incremental forward momentum that can be managed. For the last three days my poor finger has not really improved much. Pain has contracted my world, and limited what I can do slowing what was already slowed to a mere crawl. Still, axial tilt moves us into springtime...

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the tune is familiar, but this springtime carol is where it came from

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I ended up reading this Peter S Beagle story "Two Hearts" first thing this morning, before even getting out of bed; I hadn't read it in ages, and it made me feel happy and sad and hopeful all at once. There were tears, but the good strong healing kind of tears.

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A different take on the spaceship analogy. While I am not sure about their repeated "come back better than before" message, the overall advice about the different areas needed while in our "spaceships" seemed very useful. I'm not sure I will return to Future Earth better than I was, but am certain I will return changed by my experiences.

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my "quarantine 15" seems like it is different than how that term is being  commonly used. I've been eating less, not more. My average distance walked has increased to almost three miles per day. I just checked the log pages in my journal, and since in isolation I have lost just over fifteen pounds so far, which combined with the additional 10+ pounds I lost in the previous year or so, had made a small if noticeable change. I decided to try on the swimsuit from last year December, made for when my friends and I went to the Soaking Pool at McMenamins Kennedy School. Back then it was dreadfully snug, but now it is a lot easier to wiggle into!

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May SMART goals (x=extra)

#	THINGS MADE	THINGS FIXED	THINGS GONE
1	x	bird netting peas	-
2	x	x	-
3	x	x	-
4	x	x	-
5	x	x	-
6	x	x	-
7	x	x	-
8	x	x	x
9	x	x	x
10	x	x	x
11	x	x	x
12	x	x	x
13	x	x	x
14	x	x	x
15	x	x	x

today's gratitudes - homeostasis ...my body wants to heal from the Terrible Splinter. It hasn't, yet. Going on the third day. But it is trying to. The inflammation/infection/whatever is so far walled off in the outermost phalange of my right index finger, and has not spread any further. I am being very a very careful observer.

a dab of drawing

in which our plucky heroine exercises one of her superpowers...

~ 100 day challenge - day 11 ~

Quite a long while ago I promised Michele that I would do a drawing for her. She wanted "dancing rats and crows" to embroider on a gown. I decided to look at some manuscript images for inspiration:

When I realised I could turn the laptop, currently set on the end of the dining table, so I can sit at the computer and also see out across the front porch to the street. and have the laptop next to the drawing board that also lives on the dining table, there was no excuse to not move forward. I sketched out my ideas and she was quite pleased:

Then all I needed to do was create simple outline motifs. I set the drawing up so that the two open ends can connect, and form a long repeating chain of dancers. (this is easy to do if you just fold the paper to bring the two ends together)

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Aside from this small pleasantry, what was today like: I spent a lot of time on the phone to elders in my family, managed to Zoom a second time with my parents (which feeds in a peculiar way my sanity fantasy that I am on a spaceship), checked out another "gosh this isn't going to work" option for grocery delivery for my parents and did a few housey chores like putting laundry away.

I spent a lot of time on the computer. I ordered some ribbon for mask ties. The powdered milk and brown sugar that I ordered from Bob's Red Mill arrived. Today my primary care doctor's office phoned to tell me that my scheduled visit had been changed to an online visit.

I walked just about 3 1/2 miles today, mostly in the early morning when it was still drizzly, which was long enough of a sanity stroll that I was tempted to lie down again afterwards. But I didn't. It is close to seven weeks of seclusion, and I certainly do not feel at all safe to return to everyday life.

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beauty in the time of isolation, day 47 :

I was particularly taken with the contrast between the very cool pale pink of the flowers, and the warm dark bronzy-green of the moss atop the wall

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April SMART goals (x=extra)

#	THINGS MADE	THINGS FIXED	THINGS GONE
1	dried mushrooms	window rainbow	dead Bernina
2	frozen mushrooms	some pruning	five pounds
3	6 more masks	motion light	yard waste bin
4	12 masks	lawn mowed	yard waste bin
5	10 more masks	some more pruning	-
6	21 more masks	green onions planted	-
7	tiny drawings	peas protected	-
8	green CYRK lion	printer interface	x
9	35 masks cut out	x	x
10	red CYRK lion	x	x
11	dog blockprint	x	x
12	38 masks sewn	x	x
13	drawing for Michele	x	x
14	x	x	x
15	x	x	x

today's gratitudes - I have two superpowers, one I developed, and one I came in with. In this case, it was the latter. I have been able to draw, in a somewhat stylised fashion, for as long as I can remember. According to my mother, I painted a recognisable "horse" when I was in nursery school.

(My other superpower has a story to go along with it... I was shopping at New Seasons the day before my first radiation treatment. My favorite cashier asked me, like they do, "how are you doing?" I told him that I was pretty scared about going into the radiation bunker the next day... he said "Don't you realise what that means?! Tomorrow is when you get your super power!!... what super power are you going to get?" Without even thinking twice, I told him that I was going to get the "Cheerfulness Ray", so I could zap people who were having a bad day and their day would immediately improve. He said that was the best super power he had ever heard of, because there was no way it could be used for evil purposes!)

something in my eyes...

in which our plucky heroine remembers that humans and dogs have a contract that goes way way back

...and as much as I long to be with her own Darling Self when my own time in the bright world comes to an end, I know what choice she would have made...

(from Reddit, by someone named Euthenios) -

The last thing I remember is My Person bringing me to the Sharp Place.
I never understood why My Person would bring me to the Sharp Place. The smells were sharp, and they poked me with sharp things. That's why I called it the Sharp Place. It was a bad place. I didn't like it.
I don't know why My Person brought me there, that day of all days. I already hadn't been feeling good. I'd been throwing up, and my hips hurt and my paws hurt. Even eating grass didn't help. And then My Person brought me to the Sharp Place. I tried to be mad at him, but he seemed so sad about something, so I tried to wag my tail to cheer him up. I didn't even really notice when the Sharp Man poked me.
Then my eyes got heavy and that was the last thing I remember.
Buddy, a voice said. Buddy, wake up.
I opened my eyes and got to my feet, and I realized my paws didn't hurt anymore. I tried a wag, and that was fine, too. I sniffed the air. It smelled like the Play Park and like Our Home and the Car Window. I liked it a lot.
Welcome, Buddy, came the voice again, from behind me.
I turned around, and there was a person there. He wasn't My Person, but he was all safe and good smells, so I trusted him.
Where am I? I said.
You're in the place that Good Boys go, the person said.
I was a Good Boy? I said.
You were a Very Good Boy, he told me.
That was good. I always tried to be a Good Boy. Where's My Person? I asked.
He's still down there, the person said. And he waved his arm and all of a sudden we were in Our Home, and My Person was sitting on the Forbidden Chair and looking sad. Every so often, he'd look over at the Okay Couch, where I was allowed so sit, and his breath would catch because he was very sad. I tried to nuzzle him, but my nose just passed through his hand.
What's happening? I don't understand, I said.
The person sighed. You can't be with him right now, Buddy. I'm sorry. It's the way of things.
I thought about this. So it's like My Person is on the Person Bed, and I'm not allowed there? I said.
Exactly like that, the person said. But he can be with you someday. If you choose to wait for him.
Of course I want to wait for him! I said. Not wait for My Person? Who did this person think he was talking to?
Hold on, Buddy, the person said. He seemed sad about this for some reason. It's not that simple. You have a choice. He got down on one knee and he looked into my eyes. There are bad things in this world, Buddy. Very bad things.
Like Neighbor Cat?
So much worse than her, Buddy. He waved his hand, and I saw what he was talking about. He showed me dark things, that were like snakes and rats, only worse. Worse than the Sucking Machine. Worse than the Sharp Place. They smelled evil.
These are the things that want to hurt him, Buddy. They want to hurt everybody. So you can wait for him, or you can keep him safe. But if you choose to keep him safe, then you can't see him again.
What, never? I said.
The person nodded. Never, Buddy. I'm sorry. Those are the Rules. It's a terrible choice.
I looked at my paws. I didn't want to not see My Person ever again. But I wanted to keep him safe even more.
I know what I have to do, I said, and the person waved his hand, and all of a sudden we were in a place with there were as many dogs as I have every seen before. More, even.
These are all the Good Boys who chose to keep Their People safe, the person said.
I looked at them all. I couldn't believe it, still. But there's so many of us! I said. How many Good Boys are here?
The person looked down at me. He smiled, but I could tell he was also partly very sad. All of you, Buddy. Every single one.

flotsam and jetsam

in which our plucky heroine enjoys the random gifts of the universe...

This morning I heard a repeating clank in the middle of Lombard as traffic was passing... when there was a lull, instead of the expected piece of scrap metal, I found this excellent 10" crescent wrench. Ground score!! (apparently there is an actual "Crescent" company that makes wrenches, I didn't know that - the other side of the handle says "10 in Crescent® USA") Since I am not a lady who lunches but a wench who wrenches, this is quite a welcome addition to my collection.

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In addition, sometime in June I started covering parts of the backyard with layered cardboard and woodchip mulch (because grass is stupid unless you have a reason for it, and I want a veggie garden and fruit and hens, not a lawn that needs mowed)... This weekend we noticed that sometime between June and now, this feral grapevine began to grow smackdab in the middle of the yard.

It looks quite healthy, and would be a welcome addition to the landscape, just not right where it is, said space being intended for vegetable garden. Will be a challenge to figure out a good place to plant it, where it will be happy and will also be useful. I suspect it wants a sunny spot, and something strong to climb up and along.

Current idea is to get it into a large pot for now, my two ideas so far are for either somehow trellis it along the south side of the front porch, or near the little pear tree, with a trellis arch or arbor that creates an entry to the backyard. (If the stupid deck were not in the yard, it would might do well used to shade the east window, but removing the deck is not happening soon) I shall consult my British fruit books, and my master gardener pal, and come up with a plan...

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Today was my second meeting with my new counselor, and we are slowly edging closer to a workable relationship, I hope... I was quite fond of my former counselor R, who shared my metaphorical approach to life; it will be interesting to work with a different set of skills and outlook. On the way home, had an interesting insight: given that my core ground disfunctional lens is "being unwanted", this has an obvious connection to my economic issues. And to my difficulty in self promotion and my fear and immobility about new teaching venues. Writing this down because I have a sense this is important - if I can sort this out, it won't be me holding myself back from the life I want, but the ordinary challenges that everyone faces...

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Today I am grateful for paying attention - to the difference in the outer world that signals useful salvage, and to the difference in the internal world that signals here be there dragons to tame or slay...

may this gratitude contradict despair...

revelatory arc

in which our plucky heroine unburies bones long underground, in hope that they may be a Useful Framework...

Long long years ago, in a life that is unimaginably distant from now, psychedelia was, while not everyday, still a familiar part of life... In the same way that one cannot go Underhill into Faerie and return unchanged, so it was then, on Journeys of another sort. Those who managed to navigate from Then to this unexpected Now will witness the truth of my memories. As best my aged mind can recall, the journey had parts... the Drop, the Rise, the Peak, and the Coming Down.

This is so much like the story of F and G. The Drop was the night that he stayed here after 12th Night 2011. The Rise, that time when you feel that something is changed, but you are waiting for the sparkles to begin, that was the months at the beginning while I was in Califonia, and the chatting online, and then the gradual incline into intimacy... the Peak was for months and months, all those good times: the travel and the visiting and the daily life bits that I so cherished and never ever took for granted. The nights he would drive me home from up north, the singing in the truck... the photograpy walks and the time by the river... but it ended, unlike tripping, in a way that felt very sudden.

The Coming Down, that is the part that I must do alone. Psychedelic coming down was always that part where you are really really tired and yet still cannot sleep, there is a kind of gentleness needed, that makes me remember that I need to be gentle to myself about this, however long it takes. The best sort of coming down music has a kind of a soothing rocking quality, the only thing you can eat is very gentle food, like tea, or broth. Coming down is like the long end of the mathematical curve, and instead I got a curve with a steep cliff in it, and am still rather banged up from that. I need some kind of arnica of the spirit, a balm for the plucky though bruised girl that is still here.

a Kaylee kind of super-power

In which our plucky heroine is gifted with a paradigm shift...

While checking out at the grocery store, one of my cashier pals asked me "how ya doing - the last time through the line, you were having a pretty rough day..."; when I told him I was getting irradiated this week, he said, oh, so you will be getting your superpowers then, right??

I said my first thought - "Yeah, I am getting a cheerfulness ray... so that when folks are having a bad day, I can zap them and their day will improve"

He was impressed, said that I managed to choose a superpower that could not be used for evil but only for good...

Was the first ever comment about the upcoming procedures that were both lighthearted and positive. Not that I mind being told how strong I am, or how this is just the next step in the journey, or that I'll get through it to find a "new normal", but sometimes I do not feel strong, often I wish I did not find myself on this path, and I was quite happy with my old normal, which was working quite well thank you very much! Perhaps someday, in the may it be long years from now future, looking back will show what learning is core in this challenge. Now, in the middle of it, the meaning is impenetrable.