Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 5, 2026

wishful Wednesday

in which our plucky heroine is wishing for a different timeline...

... as I sit inside Acorn Cottage with both my air filters running and think: "this is the coolest and most healthful summer we will ever have". The light outside is the yellow-shifted color that our screens get when the late night filter is applied. Awake just before sunrise and the sky appeared a pleasant overcast cool day, until the sun rose
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~ old dog new tricks ~
Recently figured out that the small block anvil has yet another use. Being squared on all sides, it is a great help for accurately aligning brackets that need to be all the way to the edge of something that needs to attach perpendicular to the wall.  ideas. Never saw this concept elsewhere, but perhaps this small anvil is uncommon? 

This is part of gradual progress on assorted housey improvements, a 2nd pot lid rack for back of door. Yesterday cut out and glued up the layered wood support blocks, then woodfiller smoothed and sanded them. This morning marked the door and painted the blocks. Once they are securely bracketed to the door, another vintage yardstick will be cut to length and attached, and et voila the larger lids will have a better (out of the way but still convenient) home. Voila!!

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Handcraft progress: my Tabbycat Cowl continues to slowly grow as each day gets a few more rows of stitching done.  Noro Kiri yarn has such pleasing subtle variegation; Noro yarns were the first mulitcolor long shift yarn I ever saw years ago at Canvasworks in Olympia.

Laid out all the various recut pieces of bluegreen batik rayon for this year's summertime popover dress. Third time is the charm, fingers crossed it works well and hangs properly. It may be possible to add big "teacher" pockets instead of patch pockets (with care in how the remaining fabric is cut); this would be a worthwhile improvement.
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The mason jar self-watering inserts to grow pea microgreens arrived today. I grew pea shoots in trays back in 2020, and this looks to be a slightly easier way to get the same results. Worth a try anyhow...
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This was my yesterday: woke up early, put on mask to go outside in the peculiar light, poured water on plant babies, added water to the hydration station, hacked back the overgrown fern from next to the heat pump machinery (as indicated from research online it needs several feet of clearance, who knew?). Will check the air handler filter and order more if needed, also for auxiliary air filter and a new set to rebuild my homemade Corsi-Rosenthal after this current AQI uptick. I hate that we have fire season now, and barely any real summer anymore. Today another whole day indoors, attempting to remain sane by making progress on several projects.
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4am is for certain when the brain weasels are at their strongest, and not the best time to return to the bright world from dreamland. Sometimes the worst nightmares may be those not filled with active evil and direct horror, but the ones that instead are a torment of missed opportunity and wrong choices, the ones that are thoroughly marbled with waking life. A good strategy for the former is useless against the latter.
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August SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 2 Talenti shelves Talenti shelf up-
2 -2nd pot lid rack-
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- electricity, which runs the equipment that make summer bearable
- Past Me bought a Very Small drill press, which is just right for some tasks
- 5 flavor eggplant, so tasty. 

Time of Isolation - Day 2213

Tuesday, July 7, 2026

Tuesday thoughts

in which our plucky heroine struggles...

It has been a difficult day, full of brain weasels. I do my best to share and document the good here, rather than the opposite. But some days for no obvious reason that purposeful focus just isn't enough. Spent way too much time today entangled in the thought that what my life is missing, that what I wanted/want and cannot/do not have in my life is my own fault. That I must not have really wanted it enough. That rather than being a matter of un-luck it is really a matter of lifelong somehow sabotaging myself. I remind myself of all that is good and fortunate in my current life, but solitude still remains painful.
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~ made to be used ~
Years ago there was a trip to Italy, Yugoslavia, and Greece, with many memorable moments, and a modicum of confusions brought about by my dependence on a Serbo-Croatian travel phrase book for the central third of our journey. My attempt to buy a metre of pretty eyelet trim from a shop ended with my unintentionally purchasing the entire 18 metre bolt instead, and it has been an amusing tale and souvenir ever since... Rather than save it unused for some future estate sale, a portion of those metres will trim the hemline of what once was a grey and white striped everyday dress, now in the process of conversion to a Brambly Hedge slip. The dress is no longer a favorite, though mostly in good condition; by removing the sleeves and cutting away much of the armscye and neckline areas and then making edgebinding from the sleeve fabric, it will become a useful under-layer for both winter cold weather and for "costume" fun. 
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Every time that I can go outside and pick fresh blueberries in my yard is a bit of daily dopamine. The plant was a gift, and I managed to not kill it for the last 20+ years. More blueberries this year than in times past, maybe my pruning last year was correctly done?
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When heading for the grocery earlier today seeking some goat or sheep feta, I saw a postie in their van eating lunch. I asked if I could just hand them my stamped envelopes rather than bike all the way down the hill to the post office, and was grateful and appreciative when they said "sure!", saving me several miles of riding. 
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July SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 15 tiny masu boxes earrings recombinedgreenwaste bin
2 black scarf hemreplace C O alarm-
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes

- finally finding the right project to use souvenir eyelet edging
- forgot to mention that the rolled hem on the black scarf is done
- agreeable postie saved me a hilly bike ride in the heat of the day
- homegrown blueberries in my breakfast museli

Time of Isolation - Day 2186

Sunday, May 31, 2026

Sunday snippets

in which our plucky heroine cogitates...

"don't die before you have to..." This concept showed up inside my head this morning. Have been thinking rather a lot lately about how small my life and my world have become in the last six years, and how my response to that has been a greater and greater "not doing-ness", a curling up and shutting down. I don't deny the effect of the ongoing micro and macro external dumpster fire in exacerbating the situation.

It also seems true that with the passing of time most folks are faced with a lessening of stamina. Thankfully my mental capacity seems to be fairly stable, and am quite grateful that riding my bike and walks around the neighborhood are still within my capacity. It has however become more and more difficult to push myself to be social, when any option now for in-person connection is so very limited and fraught...

Back in the Before Times I had managed, with effort, to create for myself enough of a social circle to almost balance my isolation. My mantra then was "my friends all have busy and complicated lives, they aren't ignoring me on purpose" and I saw folks at SCA events, was able to attend social gatherings, or invited them to visit Acorn Cottage for monthly Crafternoon time or occasional parties or shared meals.  I miss my SCA camping activities, and wonder if those days of being outdoors are now only to be memories. I miss all the various ways of connecting with people and the natural world, and have not figured out any feasible substitution.
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~ it's a big one... ~

not my spectacular allium, but isn't it lovely!
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Saturday my Mammoth flannel order arrived. The colorway "sepia" was darker than I expected, appearing almost like grey squares on a black background, but really is like a subtle gingham of black, off-black (sepia?), and grey. I can't wait to see how it looks once washed and dried, but that will have to wait until after the weekend when the local launderette is open so I can use their dryer. The household tumble drier died back in December 2024; as it is really needed only very occasionally just`for pre-shrinking fabric I've not bothered to replace it for the sake of convenience. (It would take quite a few trips to the launderette dryer at 75¢ to amortise the cost of a new appliance)
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Worm bin refurbishment... I keep "pet worms" in a small indoor habitat to turn my produce scraps into compost. When from time to time the tote bin they live in becomes mostly worm castings it's necessary to remove. out of that and start over with fresh damp shredded paper bedding, usually a few times a year.  This requires removing the entire contents of the worm home, including the worms!

I cover a folding table with a plastic tablecloth and make several mounds with the dark damp crumbly stuff. The worms dislike light, and the drier outdoor air, so they move towards the inner portions of the mounds. As I gradually and carefully remove the now wormless outer portions of the castings (aka worm manure) the worms keep migrating inwards. Eventually there are much smaller mounds consisting mostly of worms. They are now back in a freshly cleaned habitat, full of shredded damp newspaper and ready to transform my produce scraps and peels into castings to make the garden happy. Odorless and quiet way to keep at least part of the household circle turning.
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May SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 Rosa sketch Bad Smell gonegreenwaste bin
2 boro thread basketdishrack trayrecycle bin
3 boro basket 2paring knife recycle bin
4 boro basket 3 cut back mint   greenwaste bin
5 boro baskets 4 & 5mended pillow greenwaste bin
6 sharpening box scrubbed stove grates  x
7 8 jars pickled beets worm habitat  x
8 7 jars strawberry rhubarb x x
9 ikat pinafore x x
10 x x x
11 x x x
12 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- Got most of the way through my morning walk before I noticed my left foot starting to think about being cranky. This is improvement.
- worms have been doing well in their bin, and I've well over a gallon of castings
- video chat with friends

Time of Isolation - Day 2151

Saturday, May 23, 2026

Saturday snippets

in which our plucky heroine tries not to drown...

Struggling with feeling very down-hearted lately... missing that which will not return: parents and friends no longer in the Bright World, and Earth That Was aka the Before Times. Nothing left to do but keep on keeping on, and paying attention to any and all of the smallest of bright spots

Parked my bicycle at the end of the ramp to lock the front door and head out to run errands - there was an distinctive buzzing sound near my right ear, and as I turned my head, there was a hummingbird no more than a foot or two away. Probably annoyed that I was blocking the sage plant (currently covered with stacks of purple flowers)
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~ shelf stability ~
Making space in the chest freezer and reminding self that summer will be a good chance for total defrosting. The tray of beet cubes turned into the 8 jars of pickled beets. The bowl of mixed rhubarb and strawberries, sugar macerated and seasoned with cinnamon and orange peel, a project started too late one night, waited patiently in the freezer for me to finish the project and turn it into 7 jars of strawberry rhubarb sauce...  (+ 1 jar that the lid fell off!! whilst in the waterbath, never had that happen before!) And a reminder to self that qualitylids are cheaper at Fred Meyers than at the hardware store.
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Have been craving chow fun, or pad see ew... So far neither Hong Phat market or H Mart have any wide rice noodles either dried or fresh, so bought rice and tapioca flour instead with the intention of eventually attempting DIY. At Hong Phat also found macaroni shell rice noodles which will be fun to use for mac and cheese.
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Found lengths of black fabric under a pile of stuff beside the work table, not in the sewlarium where it belongs. My current temporary idea is to a. contain the various garment size pieces of fabric in bags based on colorway. and b. contain the scraps and cabbage bits first in unsorted bags and gradually sort them as well by colorway keeping only what will be useful for trim/edgebinding/mending. Abundance has past the point of inspiration and become stifling excess...
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May SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 Rosa sketch Bad Smell gonegreenwaste bin
2 boro thread basketdishrack trayrecycle bin
3 boro basket 2paring knife recycle bin
4 boro basket 3 - -
5 boro baskets 4 & 5- -
6 sharpening box x
x
7 8 jars pickled beets x x
8 7 jars strawberry rhubarb x x
9 x x x

multiple gratitudes -
- knowing how to waterbath preserve food
- seeing a hummingbird up close
- large enough ikat fabric for a pinafore
- being able to get in to dermatology 2 days after I called for an appointment -  spot on nose is benign 

Time of Isolation - Day 2143

Thursday, April 9, 2026

paint it black

in which our plucky heroine makes steady if scant and erratic progress...

The most exciting and positive thing for Wednesday was dealing with the oak gall ink project. The container had been forgotten in the workroom, and was much evaporated, with a tiny mold colony growing in one corner, ugh. Some internet research actually stated that mold did oak gall ink no harm (and sometimes increased darkness??) Rather than discard the ink project entirely, the mold was carefully removed with a small stick; it came out neatly all in one tiny clump. Next, the very thickened proto-ink was reconstituted with distilled water, a few drops of clove oil added to forestall further decomposition, and then transferred to a sealed glass clamp top bottle. Am looking forward to finding out if it actually behaves like ink!
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~ line items ~
Simple embroidery to decorate the sleeve extension on the stripey shirt, half done (still need to do the matching embroidery for the other sleeve) and well begun. Once the other band is embroidered, I will cut the sleeves just past the armscye and insert the sleeve extensions, correcting the length to be more comfortable.  
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Not much in the way of wardrobe sewing or knitting projects today, but rather more in the way of seeking and looking through paperwork preparatory to tax tasks. Tomorrow I'll hopefully be able to get the rest of the needed papers in order, and take a trip to the library to print out the not-Federal forms also needed. I'd have done that today, but there was minor confusion with when zoom needed to happen. Thursday addenda: forms acquired from library (yay!), and an error discovered in paperwork from last year, so Friday will be rather more problematic than I would have hoped, as it must needs sorted out. 

I did, however, while rummaging for paperwork, find a piece of lightweight black linen just large enough to cut out bias strips for edge binding the stripey pinafore, which is next on my sewing list. That one will definitely be overdyed in teal/turquoise. 

I also figured out a different way to combine wardrobe components - if I wear my huipil/popover tops over one of my pinafores, it gives the effect as if I was wearing it over a skirt! In the summer it is all about wearing popover dresses by themselves, but during the bridge season it will be fun to have an additional choice, and huipil tops can be made from leftover fabric from larger projects. Right now I've only three, but they fold up small, being basically just rectangles. 
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"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all..." 
One would think that after 70+ years, I'd have learned to converse in realtime with other human people. One would think wrongly. Despite my rather bodacious vocabulary, it is all the other aspects of verbal interaction that have been a challenge lifelong. There were whole chunks of my childhood where it was easier to just not talk; I always won "who can be quiet the longest" on the car trips. In the last decade or so I often try to remember that my best strategy is to only offer conversational comments about things that have been going well, or positive observations. When I ignore this hard won knowledge, it never goes well, and leads to hours (or days) of downward spiraling. I really should add putting together that notebook of "Anti-Weasel Serum" to my list of small hardcopy books of helpful info, along with "Useful Recipes" and "Origami Box Instructions"
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April SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 glass button shirt apple tree prunedrecycle bin
2 -tiny beaded stargreenwaste bin
3 -electric bill found -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

Wednesday's gratitudes -
- when the weasels dig in, I eventually remember I have anti-weasel serum.
- new Penric and Desdemona novella
- the pharmacy tech is really trying hard to sort out my paperwork

today's gratitudes -
 
- it is warm enough now to retire the rice bags til next winter
- moved all the marmalade into the pantry, incremental decluttering
- midday phone chat with Mikki
- most of a day before the return of the weasels
- the linear embroidery for the sleeve bands looks good

Time of Isolation - Day 2100

Saturday, February 21, 2026

Saturday snippets

in which our plucky heroine keeps warm...

on another cold and blustery day. Wearing all of my newly made and recently refurbished garments all at the same time, and also the multi-fabric flannel and batik slip from last year. I'd rather wear layers indoors than turn the heat further up. The new long janes (cut out yesterday) only took about an hour to stitch together, other than the elastic waistband which I am going to tackle after eating dinner. Am tempted to also add a strip of simple decorative Alabama Chanin style hemline trim for them, but that can be done afterwards, as a handwork project...
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~ if I fits, I sits... ~
One of the several maneki-neko from this year's Advent Swap has found their spot, inside one of the origami treat storage boxes...
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The final relic of the end of an era. Whilst clearing through a pile of random papers, found a cut out article from the NYT Style magazine "The Magicians Flight" dated 12/5/21, about Miyazaki the animator/filmmaker. For most of my adult life, once I was no longer living in my parents home, they would clip articles they thought would interest me, and mail them to wherever I was living at the time. I remember that my mother first introduced me to Miyazaki's works by taking me to the movie theater, certain I would enjoy Spirited Away! Somehow, finding this cut out article left me with a lump in my throat, remembering all the years of them both reaching out to me in what way they could, saying "we see you, we know you, we appreciate who you are..." and now knowing that those days are gone forever.
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It has been a while since I last read Super Supportive, which is now up to chapter 272 (I stopped at 269, when I lost internet access). Twice I've gone back to reread it from the beginning, as it is pretty complex and really long. Well worth reading, despite not being my usual preferred sort of tale.
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February SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 plaid flannel shirt rice bagsgreenwaste bin
2 23 postcardsINTERNET!!recycle bin
3 teal linen pinaforehydration station greenwaste bin
4 bedroom shelves grey felt slipper recycle bin
5 tiger pocketteal turtleneck greenwaste bin
6 teal long janes x
-
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- Mikki took some time today to explain, in a rough and ready fashion, a bit about how electrical current flows, all in reference to my conversation about using extension cords and or power strips. I'm feeling reassured about safe useage.
- the very last article cut from the NYT and sent me by my parents
- new teal long janes

Time of Isolation - Day 2054

Sunday, January 11, 2026

such a long long time to be gone and a short time to be there...

in which our plucky heroine scents mortality on the winds of change...

Bob Weir died yesterday. He was 78. Our plucky heroine is starting to feel the weight of years passing as the legends of my youth continue leaving the bright world, closer and closer to my own age...

"Faring thee well now
Let your life proceed by its own design
Nothing to tell now
Let the words be yours, I'm done with mine"

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Still having all sorts of technical difficulty with various video chat platforms that were previously trouble-free. And not sure what to do about it. The Pixel World is a great help in maintaining sanity. So far we've managed to find one platform (Teams) that doesn't immediately degrade into unintelligible sound, or silence, but I would very much like to be able to access Discord again, as I like their interface a LOT better. Sadly though, their "helpful problem solving" essays are not at all helpful, being written in a way I can neither understand or implement.
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~ day 11 ~
Years ago, after seeing these beautiful lights and lanterns ever since my first time at the Oregon Country Fair, I decided to splurge and get one for my own. My line drawing in no way can capture the charm of this night light, which is next to the mirror above the sink in the bathroom here. I see it every day, and it has brought me joy ever since I brought it home. The central medallion is a multicolor translucent design, set into a framework of pierced copper, the light behind it illuminates the artwork and sparkles through the tiny holes in the metal. Artist-made objects inhere personality
~ day 10 ~
I was just too tired yesterday evening, so postponed my drawing til this morning. (Going forward, drawing will happen at the start of the day, not as the last thing, which is more appropriate as well. Begin as you mean to go on and all that...) This ceramic soap holder, which looks a bit like Brutalist architecture writ small, was a gift from my friends Randall and Leah. It sits on the edge of the kitchen sink, and by draining off the excess water, keeps my bar of soap from turning into a puddle of soap slime. Very Useful!
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Bob Weir died yesterday. He was 78. Our plucky heroine is starting to feel the winds of years passing as the legends of my youth continue leaving the bright world, closer and closer to my own age...

"Faring thee well now
Let your life proceed by its own design
Nothing to tell now
Let the words be yours, I'm done with mine"

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January SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 final alphabeast drawing painted mini treerecycle bin
2 calendar master pages-orangeflower water
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- I got to see the Grateful Dead live, many times.
- Beth very determinedly and patiently managed to get all four of us onto Teams and able to have a bit of Crafternoon today. It took a long time.
- the eggplant parm came out really tasty

Time of Isolation - Day 2023

Friday, September 12, 2025

Friday fragments

in which our plucky heroine writes a paragraph...

Tomorrow is the memorial for Stef... "(Unlike most here) I only knew Stef for a comparatively short while, but I could tell that we would probably be lifelong friends. I had no idea when we met how short that time would be. Though we never met in person, his generosity, creativity, and wide ranging knowledge was a joy to experience. When he found out I was interested in trying out role playing games he found egalitarian non-combative options (Golden Sky, and Wanderhome), and gently opened the door to another shared activity. I miss our weekly talks, and am sad that the future SCA road trip we had imagined will never happen. My life, and the greater world, are better for his having been a part of them."
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~ botanical bits ~
These tiny shiny things are the insides of the seed pods of Lunaria annua that seemed like a fun option to be decorated and turned to ornaments to share in the D3* Advent of a Better Year swap. Even after painting them on both sides with clear nail polish, they are still really fragile, so my thought is to back them with some wool felt. They might also be good to distribute to Free Little Art Galleries, the next time I feel like a bit of a ramble
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Pruning pruning pruning - the European Black Elder has been greatly hacked back. Next up will be the Three Figs, lest they overgrow into the yard of my good neighbors, some additional thinning of the backyard apple tree once all the apples are harvested, and a bit of careful cutting back of the plum thicket (while it is still engine summer and not raining) just to remove the dead branches.There will be at least another two batches of applesauce, but without quince, as there are no more in the freezer, and those on the tree are not quite yet ripe
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September SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 4 barkcloth tea towels box fan grille  greenwaste bin
2 yellow triangle pouchneedle gauge herb strippergreenwaste bin
3 knitted ponypruning elderberry -
4 8 jars quince apple 
rosewater sauce
pruning nandina -
5 6+ jars fig lemon
marmalade
- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- new chapter of Super Supportive
- the food dehydrator from Sam and Bob, that I use every year since they gave it to me when they upgraded
- bountiful homegrown tree fruit

Time of Isolation - Day 1909

Wednesday, August 20, 2025

wistful Wednesday

in which our plucky heroine remembers...

If we are Very fortunate and very determined we may be able to build a liveable world among the ruins of the collapsing current systems. Being an adult is when you know that there are some parts of current reality that can't be shifted, while still doing what you can to shift what only seems to be immovable. I know that no matter how much I wish it so, I will always be short. And no matter how much I wish it so, and however bitterly I miss the life I worked so hard to create, the careless ease of the Before Times will not come again. But I also cannot say that there is no chance we can create a future worth living in, for the children that come after us.
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Today there was a new-to-me, though actually common, butterfly amongst the insects enjoying the mint blooms, a gray hairstreak butterfly. Very elegant grey coloration, with some subtle dark/light lines, and a vivid orange "false eye" at the rear end of the wings, and pointed "false antenna". Am enjoying looking at the varied life that is gathering nectar and pollen? from the mint underneath the side yard clothesline...
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Currently under an Extreme Heat Watch for Friday through Sunday, with the forecast in the triple digits. Have been doing what I can to prepare, it may be frivolous but extra ice cubes in the freezer will be welcome, as will meals cooked ahead that can either be eaten cold or merely heated in the microwave. Little Wellington will be here Saturday morning for a long dog sitting visit, but there will be no midday dog walks, only early morning and at dusk or later. Puppy must needs become crepuscular as much as our own plucky heroine is...
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~ nature was fun... ~
Stopped in at the local Goodwill, and found a square frame that was a good size for this favorite Strange Planet cartoon. With the frame painted black, it can join all the other water themed artwork on the bathroom walls...
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August SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 4 jar storage trays tiger blockgreenwaste bin
2 4 jar storage lidsbright rayon top widthrecycle bin
3 dried basilindigotiger popover
 hem extension
recycle bin
4 3 jars apple/quince
rosewater sauce
bike rear wheel window AC
5 -new apron straps -
6 x frame for Pyle cartoon x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- mobility and sight, and paying attention
- it is cool enough tonight to open the windows and deploy the fans
- my life allows me to nap when tired

Time of Isolation - Day 1857

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Wednesday wishes

in which our plucky heroine is a pluviophile ...

It rained today... not just a bit of drizzle in the morning, and while there was a long stretch of time in the middle of the day when under the grey sky it just felt moist, in the evening I realised that through the sound of the fans was a different and rattling noise of rain on the window awnings, and stepping out onto the porch the wonderful scent of petrichor
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~ so colorful! ~
Decades ago, some yards of this bright rayon came home with me from the fabric store, and became a graduation tunic... Quite a few years later, parts of that tunic joined with other fabrics to become a pieced dress for festive occasions. Back in 2022 a further transmogrification of that now too small garment turned it into what is probably the most colorful garment I own, a sort of huipil/popover top... Currently undergoing a bit of width addition to bring the sleeve hem edges a bit further down my arms; using the last bits of remnants cut into strips, pieced and inset on either side of the neckline. If the world was different, this would still be something to wear to a street fair or festival, but even now it can brighten a video screen, or bring a smile to someone who crosses my everyday path. Long strange trip isn't over yet....
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That was the last jar of pickled beets in the pantry... put up back in 2022, but still very delicious. The Fishwife restaurant's green salads first inspired me to try this; as store tomatoes are so often less than stellar, they garnish their salads with a slice of house-made pickled beet instead. It will soon be time to see if there are good beets at the farmers market, and look up the recipe, and put up at least a half dozen jars for future enjoyment 
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Currently reading "Elderhood" by Louise Aronson, and thinking that there must be ways to be more engaged with the exterior world. Scribal activity comes to mind, as something I once enjoyed and have mostly given up on, but that would reconnect me to the SCA culture that has/had been so much a part of my life for decades...
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"In this life you don't always get what you want, you get what you get..."
~ Cher

I remember this quote from some magazine interview article, and maybe had it posted on a cabinet door in a former studio? During my conversation with Mikki earlier this week, I talked with her about my heart's desire, that I don't get to have in this lifetime. Maybe due to poor choices, or just ill luck, or as a result of some past lifetime where I whinged about not getting to have the things I do have in this lifetime, so I get instead time to be an artisan, but without the responsibility, joy, and effort of being in a family, being part of a household. I'll never know, and like all great griefs, you don't get over them, but learn to live with what isn't there...
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August SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 - tiger blockgreenwaste bin
2 -bright rayon top widthrecycle bin
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- Past Me made pickled beets, yum
- an intensive lengthy conversation with Mikki earlier this week
- becoming accustomed to my new bicycle seat

Time of Isolation - Day 1843

Wednesday, July 2, 2025

why?

in which our plucky heroine is sorrowful...


why must those we love leave so soon?

Why are we born?

Why do we make so much effort to learn and grow?

Why do we share our gifts with others?

Dear friend Stef has left the bright world, and all the rest of us sorrow. In time the memories will be a blessing, but today my heart is sore and sad... 

"Sigh, mournful sister, whisper and turn
 I will rattle like dry leaves when I go 
Stand in the mist where my fire used to burn 
I will camp on the night breeze when I go...
 
And should you glimpse my wandering form out on the borderline 
Between death and resurrection and the council of the pines 
Do not worry for my comfort, do not sorrow for me so 
All your diamond tears will rise up and adorn the sky beside me when I go..."

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July SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 Raven scroll --
2 ---
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes
- Stef was a friend of mine, for the length of time our life-arcs intersected 
- being alive at the same time and world as so many excellent people
- remembering to reach out for connection when I am so sad
- noticing and reminding Mikki to shift language to positive mode

Time of Isolation - Day 1808

Sunday, May 4, 2025

thick as a brick, and other Sunday snippets

in which our plucky heroine makes progress in various directions...

Spent quite some time today furthering the front borderline between the mulch and the sidewalk today, and have almost completed the re-do. All the first mulch attempt has been raked back, the weedy edges scraped back to where I could locate the actual concrete, new doubled layer of cardboard set in place and weighted down along the edge with some of the used brick. This makes a much tidier looking edge, and allows an even amount of mulch to be built up that is "thick as a brick".
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~ so pink and pretty ~
We've had enough warmth as the season keeps turning that the black lace elder (Sambucus nigra) has started flowering. This will be the second year it has really been covered in blossoms, so I'm hoping for a good crop of berries for making elderberry syrup to use this winter.
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Fifty-five years ago today the massacre at Kent State occurred... I've been remembering about that, and thinking about how little times have changed in some ways, and listening to the music of those years.
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Cleared out one of the large planter pots in the backyard, which now has the Juliet tomato in it, surrounded by a Wall-O-Water to moderate the evening chill. Still need to find some mesh to encircle that, lest the squirrels dig their way into the still visible potting soil, but it was getting towards dusk, and I was very tired.

Earlier in the afternoon, I gave the central front yard another round with the string trimmer, and had enough energy to get some of the long grass around the base of the fig trees this time as well. Also, two old Ikea wastebaskets got holes drilled in their base, a few half bricks tossed into the bottom and are now filled with water to serve as drip waterers for the pear tree babies
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About halfway through with xp2 iteration of the cotton jersey fingerless gloves, which will provide sun protection for my hands and forearms. Xp1, based on the Alabama Chanin pattern was a good length, but the seams were in an annoying position for while holding bike handlebars. I've rearranged the location of the seams, which makes for very odd looking pattern pieces, but a more anatomical construction, with one seam running down the outside of the thumb then down the arm, one running down the outside of the littlest finger and then down the arm, and one seam running around the base of the thumb. There are, with this construction, no seams running along the inner edge of the thumb and forefinger at all, which makes a much more comfortable glove. 
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May SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 heraldic fern painted added pea trellis
greenwaste bin
2 -planted Seckel pearrecycle bin
3 -Juliet tomato planted -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 - x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
- had everything needed to plant the tomato start: large planter, potting soil, garden lime, wall-o-water... and there are several "tomato cages" to choose from for later in the year.
- despite being dog-tired, I got a lot of outdoor yard stuff done today.
- my xp2 sample fingerless sun-protecting bike glove modification seems to be doing perzactly what I hoped it would (sewing it is slow going as it is mostly hand stitching) I'll know more when it is all stitched up
- I had the fortitude to get myself out of bed, dressed, and outside to get outdoor light into my eyeballs again first thing this morning.

Time of Isolation - Day 1749

Tuesday, March 4, 2025

a happy accident

in which our plucky heroine notices a small but surprising difference...

...accidentally ordered a M/L size mask when ordering backups*, instead of my prior size S/M. It actually fits better, which was unexpected. The edges of the inflow valves no longer push into my face, which will make wearing the mask less annoying.
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~ word! ~
A sign of the times, seen while out walking with Kate last Friday...
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I finished patching the grey linen pinafore (now five years old, that I made in the first year of the pandammit). The sides of the bodice were worn threadbare, almost shredded to raveling, but rather than bin it, decided that there taking some of the scraps left over from the start and adding neat patching would get me at least another year or more. By shaping the bilateral patches identically, it created an effect almost like color blocking! I suspect a smaller decorative patch on the center front pocket would make it look even less like "make do and mend". Not that there is anything wrong with mending. Repair is radical!
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Thank you, no... yet another reason to avoid the Book of Face. Today it reminded me of the birthday of someone very dear, someone who is no longer in the Bright World. Ouch!
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Did too much carving in the last few days, and bruised my little finger, by using it for leverage. I shall have to be more cautious about not letting hyper-focus cause actual harm, but I have no intention of not continuing the creative activity.
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March SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 - grey pinaforeart exchange
2 --many dead weeds
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
-
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
1. Flow won an Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film
2. Oven-roasted lemon potatoes... using up the last of the previous grocery order. As long as we still can have food transported from other biomes, I will continue to enjoy lemony goodness. (also, look into making and preserving verjuice from feral grapevine for homegrown sourness?)
3. Uncanny Magazine: always good things to make me think, sometimes good things that make me cry...

Time of Isolation - Day 1690

* I figured that getting a few sets of replacement filters from Lee Valley would be good general practice, and while I was at it, decided that a backup of another whole elastomeric mask would not be a bad idea either, as who knows what various supply chain issues may happen in the future.

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Thursday thoughts

in which our plucky heroine remembers...

... that a rainbow can be a promise, and a rainbow can also be a bridge. So many stories; all true, or all holograms of true; "there is no one true way"...
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~ it's like a rainbow ~
I've cut little inch squares from the assortment of Kaffe Fassett fabrics one of my online pals sent me, for a rainbow stripe of patches. I want to decorate a fabric holder for the set of bright crayons I got for little Liam, the child I've never actually spent time with, for they were born after the beginning of the pandammit, and his parents live many miles away. But as one does, the urge to connect, to send little gifts of caring, cannot be ignored, and I like to imagine a bit of receptive delight...
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Rode to bike shop this sunny afternoon. They remembered me! Asked about a replacement valve cap (which they had), and asked about something to replace the broken stretchy silicone strap that holds my bike light to the handlebars. They had a whole box full of random silicone elastics, and found one that was a good size. When I asked "what do I owe you", they suggested I stuff a dollar in the tip jar... since sadly I had brought no flat money at all, I suggested I might bake some cookies and bring them some the next chance I had. This counter offer was received with much enthusiasm
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right now I have no words, watching the nightmares of the LongAgo Los Angeles child I once was, now come to life in the much too bright hot world... This is not the timeline that child wished for and believed in, the timeline we are in where this is the calmest best most pleasant moment/day/year we will ever see going forward. I still persist in seeking out what there is to be grateful for every day, and in doing what I can in the cause of beauty and creativity and connection, because that is all I have to give to the world.
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Here, have something tasty, lest all I share today be edged with sorrow. I was craving this, the only recipe I have that includes kale that I willingly eat. The various ingredients combine to make a complex taste that balances the bitter kale with other strong flavors, in a most satisfying way. I usually substitute lemon juice for the wine, and chopped green chilies for the jalapeno (since our plucky heroine is a spice weenie), and add raisins to the cilantro and green onion garnish; the recipe is a guide and not a scripture.

January SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 blood orange marmalade
bike headlamp
yard waste bin
2 heraldic lozenge enamel
passport photo
recycle bin
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x


today's gratitudes -
1. The bike store gave me the two small things needful! I am going to make them a batch of cookies...
2. an excellent enjoyable conversation with Mikki brainstorming ways to solve the bike light attachment problem
3. Bulgar salad with kale and feta is still as yummy as I remember

Time of Isolation - Day 1638

Wednesday, November 6, 2024

wishful Wednesday

in which our plucky heroine plans to do some comfort baking this week...

Because anything that involves apples and quinces will make the kitchen smell yummy. Might have to mix up a batch of lemon crinkles too, or experiment with using lime instead, since I bought some "sweet limes". I did my bit to be a good citizen, and the results are out of my hands; I figure kitchen shenanigans are a good focal antidote in the next few days. Once I'm a bit more rested. There were too many audible explosions late last night, could have been not-4th-of-July fireworks, or discharging firearms, but sleep was elusive at best.
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~ a glimmer of beauty ~
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This time I turned on my current audiobook and stayed in the kitchen, and turned the rest of the mutual aid apples (small but so flavorful) into several jars of applesauce. Which will join their fellow shelf stable jars of homegrown fruit goodness in the pantry. The replacement saucepan worked very well...
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~ tiny foxen ~
hand colored linocut prints on 1¼" backing squares, destined to become holiday ornaments
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FRODO:I can’t do this, Sam.

SAM:I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

FRODO: What are we holding on to, Sam?

SAM:That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.
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November SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 Halloween cushions
repot spider plants
recycle bin
2 -harvest persimmons
-
3 -- -
4 - - -
5 -- -
6 x x
x
7 x x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
1. the weather today was a perfect autumn day, with a cloudless blue sky, and crisp fallen leaves everywhere.
2. online research leads me to believe that one can ferment cooked veggies, it just requires adding a "starter" culture, which I have been doing anyway.
3. we have songs, and stories, and artwork that remain as buoys and signposts.

Time of Isolation - Day 1577

Wednesday, August 14, 2024

wishful Wednesday

in which our plucky heroine notes the end of an era...

When I noticed earlier this year that the venerable ornamental plum tree nearest the house had developed a crack all the way through the trunk, it was obvious that it's days were numbered. After multiple consultations, there was no real way to save it. Early this morning the excellent arborist team from Honl Tree Care arrived to remove that tree, and to prune the remaining one to help it survive wind and ice storms.

Now the front yard, and the front porch are filled with sunlight. There is now a tall stump (with a rotten hollow core) that I hope to have it support a bird bath/insect drinking station. I need to acquire a suitable glazed ceramic plant saucer. I will need to think about how the tree being gone changes things, what may plants may do well in these new conditions, and quite frankly I am considering some canvas curtains from the porch to ameliorate the glare.

I really wish it had not been necessary to take the big tree down, it was not only a source of wonderful shade, but home to a wide assortment of creatures. While Andy was far up in the sky, pruning away the highest branches, he found a squirrel nest full of babies! The nests are usually empty by August, but rodent parents apparently did not get the memo, nest was moved to the other tree, in the hope that mama squirrel will find it. Arborists are much more soft hearted than I am.

(Andy, Emil, Adam, and Kassi)
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The denim hat is finished, and looks just as excellent as I had hoped for. I have attached the assorted blue/indigo trimmings to the textured hatband, and there is plenty of room for future hat decorations, should inspiration strike... For now, the knitted spray of acorns and oak leaves, the embroidered bird, the wool felt rose, and the fuzzy caterpillar seem abundance enough!

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~ a small change ~
Saturday when talking with Young Kestrel, she requested some long sleeve tops for her tinyfolk, so I will be making three tops to coordinate with the three pairs of pants... I thought I would document the pattern alteration I've done to make long sleeves. Starting with Dawn's excellent TRD blouse pattern, it is a very simple change. I extended the sleeve sections 1", and squared the ends off (width at sleeve end will be about 1⅜") Aside from that, follow the directions as written. I do find careful attention to the weight of the fabric used is helpful, I save pieces of thin cotton lawn for the "lining" side. My very small hemostat is invaluable to help with turning the stitched clothing right side out, as is the tube turner, which I use (gently) for the distant ends of turning garments.
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August SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 2 pillowcases
nut chopper handle
yard waste bin
2 yak print
elderberry harvest
plum tree
3 tiny bell-bottoms
refurbish Felco
 driveway moss
4 tiny camisole
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-
5 small pressing tools
- -
6 tiny playset
x
x
7 denim hat
x x
8 x x x
9 x x x

today's gratitudes -
1. The wire brush-broom for driveway moss removal, works eversomuch better in deep summer when the moss is dried out! Yesterday I was able to clear more than half the driveway!!
2. The arborist crew did an AMAZING job this morning. They were as careful with how all they did affected the rest of the yard as I would have been, had I been able to do such work! They made sure that the chunks of tree that were dropped from on high did not break any of the other plants, they were very clear about communication, and they raked and removed all the associated detritus from the front yard lawn and garden beds.
3. Heather has The Boy and The Heron, so I can watch it!

Time of Isolation - Day 1495