Thursday, August 23, 2012

you're still gone, and other Thursday thoughts

"...But I am still here
There's nowhere else to go
And I am still here
There's no one else to hold
And I can't fly
I'm not that strong
Yeah I am still here
And you're still gone
And I am still here
And you're still gone..."

Pretty much says it, in that plaintive western song style. Our plucky heroine saw G for the first time last weekend since he broke it off with me. It was both harder and easier than I had feared. Y'know when a whole channel on the stereo shuts down, and the music is somehow less vibrant, because part of it is missing - when we spoke, it was like that. Gone so totally now that my heart was bruised to bump against the absence. When he came down here last month to tell me it was over, his love for me was still there. Foolish me to think that love would remain, though the actions would change...

I wake each morning without that extra sparkle of joy that comes with knowledge that this girl is held in someones heart with love. Am very glad to still be walking in the bright world, but truly, would like company to my walking. Had it for a while. Miss it now that it is gone. The love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love isn't love 'till you give it away... I miss that too.

Wheel just keeps on turning. Have been asking for more income generating work, and am making progress on some of the sewing projects this week. Almost done with the first motorcycle jacket modifications, that will be complete later tonight. This weekend will be dedicated to finally getting back into the enameling zone, I've a couple of actual orders, so the studio workbench will need dusted off. Once I get started in the workroom, I remember how much I enjoy it, and will try and get some pictures to share as well.

On the housey front, am hoping to get the big freezer defrosted this summer, and since summer is almost over, it better happen soon. Will need to borrow a few extra coolers (from friends) to store frozen food in for a few days. Am also thinking about actually doing a bit of indoor painting, like maybe the bathroom. Now that it is no longer full of temporary catboxes, for the temporary cats, and while it is still warm enough to leave windows open during the daytime, the lilac paint that is intended for that room could, maybe, be on the walls rather than in cans. (after the enameling is done, since that is a posthaste rush order) The good news is that our plucky heroine is finally finally starting to feel energetic enough to contemplate projects more strenuous than embroidery. Will be careful, of course, and ask for help when needful, but for months now have been very frustrated to not have the strength or the will to do anything other than convalesce. Oooo maybe I can manage to get some plywood cut, and this winter work on the mosaic windowsill project... Down girl down, one thing at a time... off to your sewing machine for right now... first things first then next things next...

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