I went to visit my Aged Parents, who live just outside of Boston. It has been several years since we last saw each other - I'd planned on a visit in the spring of 2020, and we all know how that year unfolded.
I had* to fly, since there have been no roomettes available on Amtrak between here and Chicago for months now. Air travel has not improved since the last time I was on a plane years ago. Also, the number of people I saw who either purposefully did not wear their masks properly, or who removed their masks to eat or drink and then just didn't bother to replace them was very disheartening.
I was gone for ten days, and am now completely exhausted. Each day was spent with my family, primarily time with mom and dad during the day, and then at the hotel with my sister each night. I was able to spend one day visiting my brother and his wife, which was a special treat and a bit of a respite from the challenge of seeing how much more frail my folks are, and doing what little they allowed us to do to help them, as well as trying to sort out various needful paperwork such as getting medical proxy forms in place and suchlike. The good part of the trip was several chances to hear stories from my parents earlier lives together, and from when they were children. My older nephews and my sisters husband flew in for a long weekend, and made video recordings of the storytelling. I enjoyed the chance to connect with the nephews a bit; I never really spent any time with while they were growing up, since we all live so far from one another.
I wish that there had somehow been time to do a few "just for fun" things on this trip. I'd have loved to drive around and look at the various places I spent so much of my growing-up years, and compare and contrast the nowadays with the memories. I'd hoped to get to the MFA with my sister-in-law, as she suggested that seeing the Fabric of a Nation exhibition. It would have been a delight to take a few hours and drive up to Lowell to the New England Quilt Museum, and see the Salley Mavor "Bedtime Stories" exhibition. I've never seen her work in person, though I own several of her books, both the ones for children, and the ones detailing how to create wee felt folk. One of those purchased by my mom in 2010, and signed by the author, as seen in this photo from the previous Salley Mavor exhibition. But there was no time. Museums and exhibits will, with luck, continue to happen. Time with parents is more specifically finite
Aging is hard. My dad will be 90 in January, and my mom is 87. Both are more than somewhat frail, both have multiple health issues, and my mom basically can't walk any more, and seems to be affected with some form of cognition issues. The basic activities of living take longer, and use more of what limited energy they have available. My parents are refusing most assistance that would make their lives easier, as having in home caregivers did not work out well for them. They have finally at least agreed to have a once a week housecleaner. My dad is doing all the cooking, shopping, as well as all personal care for my mom, and his love for her is palpable. This will not end well, but is their choice. Even were I to tear up stakes and move across the country, I doubt they would not accept my aid. My heart is breaking over and over again. I am glad I made the trip, despite the difficulty, as their situation could change in the blink of an eye...
※※※
beauty in the time of isolation:
New England in the autumn, even past the peak, still has such natural beautybeauty in the time of isolation:
※※※
November SMART goals (x=extra)
| # | THINGS MADE | THINGS FIXED | THINGS GONE |
| 1 | roses kerchief | - | - |
| 2 | - | - | - |
| 3 | - | - | - |
| 4 | - | - | - |
| 5 | - | - | - |
| 6 | - | x | - |
| 7 | - | x | x |
| 8 | - | x | x |
| 9 | x | x | x |
| 10 | x | x | x |
| 11 | x | x | x |
| 12 | x | x | x |
| 13 | x | x | x |
| 14 | x | x | x |
| 15 | x | x | x |
today's gratitude - the EMT folks from 911, who have more than once been called to pick my mother up from the floor when she has fallen, and returned her either to her bed, her wheelchair, or when needed, transported her to hospital.
* I prefer to use rail travel both for philosophical/ethical reasons and for safeguarding my health by not subjecting my lymphedema to the challenge of air travel
So much is lost as we age; it can really knock the wind out of us. What caring children they raised. How fortunate they are that you and other family members work with them so they can retain that last bit of freedom: to choose how they will live.
ReplyDeleteI just wish that they did not live so far away... were they in an apartment nearby, it would be so much easier for me to do so much more! I could stop by at least once a week or more instead of once a year. I could cook meals for them to give my dad a break, or do the other small tasks that are not in his skillset and that my mom cannot do any more. Sigh... I tried really hard to convince them to move, about ten years ago, but they wanted to stay in the town where they live.
Delete