more upson downs

in which our plucky heroine flails about seeking bootstraps

I need to do better at sleep hygiene. When I don't get to bed at a suitable time, or if I eat food too late in the evening, it exacerbates my already not particularly helpful insomnia. Then if I need to get up early, for some reason (most commonly a medical appointment) I not only spend the day exhausted, but get all entangled in negative thoughts, which sets of an unfortunate downward spiral.

I woke up after nowhere near enough sleep all enmeshed in thoughts of failure. If this is my life now and going forward what is the worth of making any efforts. If as I believe the task of Making A Difference on the Great Scale is vital, then I have not made a success of my life, not by my own efforts, not through children, and no more through teaching. I do realise that this is only one of many perspectives, and on a better day, I view my life with different lenses. Today, however, was hard. And lonely.

I dragged myself through the morning routines and on the bus to my physical therapy appointment. When there, J pointed out to me that I could, on days when it was difficult to do the whole set of exercises all in one go, more simply do a few at a time, each hour or so when I was up and moving around, which never occurred to me. I do have more mobility than when I began this course of self-care, and want very much to continue in that direction. 

By the time I made it home, with a stop at the pharmacy to refill a prescription, I was ridiculously exhausted, and decided that napping was the better part of valor. I woke up three hours later in a much better frame of mind, able to remember the small ways I do make a mite of difference, fragments of assistance I have been able to render, and that even though I rarely see my dear ones it is obvious that I am surrounded by their lovingkindness.

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out and about:

I like autumn leaves almost as much as I like moss worlds. This one had to come home with me earlier today, that I found on my walk from the physical therapy office to the bus roundabout. Between the wind and the advanced season, there will not be many more fallen colorful remnants to bring home.

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Just before bedtime yesterday I was able to finish attaching the new LED undercabinet light fixture to the wooden support bracket, and place it above my kitchen sink. Huzzah!! It is probably at least two to three times brighter than what I had set up before. Of course, the new one will not serve as well as a "nightlight" in that space, but that is a different design problem; I can come up with a different solution for nighttime "safety" lighting.

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December SMART goals (x=extra)

#	THINGS MADE	THINGS FIXED	THINGS GONE
1	skull collar #2	over sink light	recycle bin
2	baprons for Liam	-	-
3	8 jars strawberry rhubarb	-	-
4	-	-	-
5	-	-	-
6	x	x	x
7	x	x	x
8	x	x	x
9	x	x	x
10	x	x	x
11	x	x	x
12	x	x	x
13	x	x	x
14	x	x	x
15	x	x	x

today's gratitudes -
1. I can walk, I can stand, I can move comparatively freely about in my life. While I feel inconvenienced by the removal of bus shelters, and the austere decision to have fewer bus stops altogether, I can still use the system. I will continue to make my concerns of how these systemic decisions affect those who have less physical ability known to the authorities.
2. It was unexpected brightness to have a short conversation with a young man in the PT waiting line, who turned out to be learning garment sewing, a most unexpected activity for someone in that demographic. I was so happy to be able to give him the tip about starching fabric that is wiggly but also washable in order to make it easier to handle.
3. I am an excellent designer, good at thinking about how to adapt spaces using minimal resources. Bit by bit my home will continue to improve in function and beauty.

Time of Isolation - Day 1007