Saturday, October 7, 2017

imposter syndrome and other snippets


in which our plucky heroine does her best to not feel like a fake...

The thing is, I have many friends that I consider "real artists". They seem to just create incredible artworks out of thin air, as it were. They are always drawing or painting or doing whatever their chosen art medium(s) are, irrespective of their circumstances. Some of them get professional recognition, teach at renowned institutions, and otherwise appear to me to be far further along in their profession than I am. I struggle with motivation to create "art" as opposed to what I consider "handicraft of daily life", and while to others I may look like a great success as an artist, it doesn't feel like that to me. I know that comparisons are odious, but I cannot seem to help comparing myself to others who have much greater personal or social success as artists. This is not to say that I am not aware of how much effort they put into their art lives, because none of this is easy in our culture.

There are quite a few things about how I live my life that I actively am working to change. Decluttering and reorganising my living spaces has been ongoing for a number of years, and is finally starting to make a difference in my everyday well being. I feel like if I could also spend some small time every day drawing, that it would likely provide yet unknown improvements to my abilities and self-concept. So, I decided to make things as easy as possible for me to be successful at "Inktober" (do an ink drawing every day for a month). Instead of leaving it totally open ended, which never works well for me, I chose to use supplies I have on hand. Index cards are small, and I am making a uniform border so that all the drawings will be the same size. I also chose to have all the designs be inspired by medieval marginalia, and relate to the word prompt in whatever tangential or direct way I can come up with. This lets me enjoy random internet searching in a focused way, and the whole process of research/drawing/inking is intended to be part of my before breakfast routine all month long.
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A bit worried, I am. Woke up from my midday nap with a huge dark bruise on my belly, for no apparent reason. No other symptoms. Called the nurse hotline (after attempting to look up info online scared me badly, Dr Google is not your friend) and they ran me through their flow chart, and said, we do not know what or why, but you can wait until Monday to see a doctor. I have an appointment Monday afternoon at the local clinic. Hotline nurse also suggested I outline the bruise with a sharpie!, to see if there are any changes... I sure hope that this is just some weird anomaly, and not the beginning of something terrible
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I meant to post earlier about what I accomplished in the short workshop I took at the Library Makerspace, on Beginning Digital Design for Laser Engraving... Our first assignment was to create a word art pendant, as a way to learn about using the program (Illustrator) to move, connect, and create a useable vector graphic that can be then opened in the program that the laser cutter uses. Since all the Makerspace compters are Mac, and I have a PC at home, it was not only a new program to try and suss out, but a whole different operating system. It was challenging, and while I am unlikely to wear a wooden name tag, it will make a nice workbench decoration!

The two little plywood ponies (just under 2" wide and 1/4" thick) in the background were my other project, that took up the two additional evenings. My first attempt involved trying to scan a drawing I made, and then get Illustrator to open the graphic, that took all of evening two, and didn't work very well. I then, whilst home in the interim, redid my drawing, took a digital photo, and then processed it on my home computer, and saved it in various formats, since I didn't know which would interface when I was back at the library Makerspace. It turns out that saving the design as a TIFF worked the best, and with help I was able to then translate that into SVG, and then to the laser cutter...

The tiny ponies will be glued on individual blocks of wood, and used for block printing fabric. The other thing is, I love learning to do new things, and to stretch my brain. The Makerspace at the Rockwood Library is intended for use by teens and there are only a very few classes offered there for regular adult library patrons. But since commercial maker spaces are incredibly spendy to access, I am going to continue haunting the library events web page, just in case they offer additional workshops. And, of course, I sent them my glowing review of the class we just completed!
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October SMART goals (x=extra)
# THINGS MADE THINGS FIXED THINGS GONE
1 fig cottage syrup (jam) repot lg spider plantwood scraps
2  puzzle ball toy pinafore mendedø
3 laser cut name pendant U-lock loosened ø
4 laser cut horses Sterret scribe ø
5 braided knit ball toydestem elderberries ø
6 five Inktober drawings ø ø
7 x x ø
8 x x x
9 x x x
10 x x x
11 x x x
12 x x x
13 x x x
14 x x x
15 x x x

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