Sunday, May 1, 2016

four and a half years


in which our plucky heroine feels not so plucky

Every six months a checkup... that is tomorrow... cancer sucks. I never ever feel "safe" or "recovered", every unfamiliar twinge or symptom is worriesome. I try my best not to think about it all the time. I almost always do well at enjoying the present moment, though I did that before cancer became part of my story. But I never know if some bodily change is simply the result of normal aging, or the result of a rogue cell that escaped the knife and the heat and the radiation... The checkup tomorrow could bring another six month respite, or not.

7 comments:

  1. Alison, oh my, your graphics make it all very real. But we all need to live for today regardless. Yeah?

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    1. I always live for today, and do my best to appreciate the beauty and love and creativity of right now. I did that before. What I did learn from cancer was that I can ask for help, and I do, when I need help, rather than try and do it all myself.

      The online xkcd comic has a number of very strong graphics about cancer, though that is not their primary focus; I believe that someone in their family has a cancer story. Actually, I am kind of amazed at how many people I know have a cancer story...

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  2. Here is hoping you have a good check up today. DH had his treatment this winter and we are still worried though the oncologist said he did amazing and his numbers are perfect. My biggest worry is the number of infections he gets with his immune system still in recovery. When he gets something, he gets it full blown and scares me to death. We were back in last night with a high temperature and confusion. He was admitted as he has a bit of fluid on his brain. I am sure he will be in for a few days so they can do more tests and treat him. It was a scare for me this time as he was confused and had poor balance.
    I am so happy to hear that you know you can ask for help and not do everything yourself. Hubby is getting closer to that but still wants his independence. I help where I can and I do know we can get friends to help us. But, it comes with a price -- for Hubby it is pride.

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    1. Oh Ann... I am sending my best healing wishes to your husband! How very scary, but good that he can get treated and have good care... also sending my best strengthening wishes to you, as caregiver.

      My checkup went okay, oncologist said everything looked/felt okay, though I got a phone call later saying that the tests found some unrelated oddity that is sending me off to a different specialist to suss out.

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  3. Sending good thoughts your way, Alison. Cancer sucks. No other way to see it. I hope w/all my heart that your worries are lifted from you today.

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    1. thank you Claire! Checkup went okay, all seems well, though a different issue showed up on the test that I shall have to get diagnosed and sorted out... always something new to deal with...

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    2. a different issue. . . I hope it is as significant as a broken fingernail. . . xoxoxox

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