in which our plucky heroine cogitates on imposter syndrome, or at least the variant that seems to be one of her particular demons...
I am struggling, struggling with fear of failure, to such a degree that I often stop working at all. Convinced to where I have endangered my own good name and commitments. This is not okay. Injuries and broken tools have stood in my way this year. I have decided to simply push myself through all this. Somehow. Set a timer and do ten minutes in the workroom. It has not gotten any easier. Why does my artist mind seize on the failures, and why do the good words of others not ease me. I am convinced my efforts will result in yet more wasted effort and broken projects. Set the timer and do another ten minutes... this is no way to get things done, and yet as I am so fond of saying, incremental progress is still progress. The trick will be to see if these tiny increments will combine to get this project finished in time.
Part of this struggle is that in my deepest self, I don't see myself as an artist, as a metalworker, or even really as an enamelist. I am a designer, who makes things with fabric, and occasionally with other media. When left to myself, I draw dresses, or I draw toys, I do not draw jewelry. I wonder sometimes if I have chosen a sideways path in my own life. But I must needs get the projects done that I have agreed to complete, and must needs continue to find ways to earn my daily bread, ways that folks in the bright world are willing to pay me for my efforts. And there will be more cogitation, more daily pages of writing to let go of and ideas to mull over, and in the meantime - set timer and do ten minutes in the workroom. This is far harder than when I was feeling i'd lost my sewing mojo. Set the timer and do another ten minutes, and hope that the ten minutes will prime the pump...
July SMART goals
July SMART goals
|#||THINGS MADE||THINGS FIXED||THINGS GONE|
|1||blue tunic for B||chook shade tarp||recycle bin full|
|2||grey gown for M||toilet seat replaced||yardwaste bin|
|3||linen gown for S||-||codling apples|
|4||black batik popover||-||-|
|5||Laurel brooch setting||-||-|