Monday, January 26, 2015

ghosts of creatures passed


...in which our plucky heroine walks again the old walks...

but more alone than ever, because alone is on the inside, not in the situation. Traveled up to Mud Bay last Friday, after a late start leaving Portland, with the intention of staying with my Fjords End pals, and having a chance to see the Blue Cedar House folk, a visit with both the little girls there who have been most vocal about missing their honorary "auntie", a visit with my oldest friend SC who is dealing with serious health issues, and an assortment of other Olympia area errands and etceteras...but first, here is an obligatory internet cat photo: Huginn and Muninn, the young cats of Mud Bay

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Early Saturday morning, took Toshi for a walk out to Perry Creek Bridge. All the valley was shrouded in  gradually lifting mist; couldn't help but remember all the myriad times I'd walked there, in brightness and in darkness, with my beloved Smokey, and with other dear ones now gone or gone from me. The memories of hands no longer holding mine, of little cats in the now derelict house, the ridge where the mushrooms grew, and the tiny houses with the goat pens in the back... the mist seemed all too full of wispy ghosts, like a surreal cross of Miyazaki and Adventure Time, that only I could see. The moss and lichen on the old bridge are larger than when last there, but girl is grateful indeed to be still hale enough to walk with a dog there and back, more than one time this past weekend.
Indeed, my Jen-bead earring fell out while I was faffing around with my camera, but fortunately when she and I walked back there later that day, it was still visible in the roadside mud; I'd have been most desolated to have lost it.
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Made progress over the weekend on several handwork projects. The Dragon's Mist crowns had their center panels cut to size and shape, though after discussion with Bill was decided that completing the enamels and settings first before the engraving of the supporting dragons is necessary, so those will be done in time for handing the work off at Founder's Revel in a few weeks.

My other projects were all textilia: did quite a bit of knitting on the Twilit Sky neckwarmer, and am about halfway done or more... I was worried that I might not have enough yarn (despite the fact that the listed amount of yarn in the skein is supposed to be 560 yards and the pattern only takes less than 300) and then it occurred to me that it might be that the reason for running out was that perhaps I put the yarn into two yarn balls because it exceeded the capacity of my winder! Sure enough, there was the rest in the box of blue yarns…

Have made good progress on the embellishment for the first tunic I am making for Mr Robertson, indigo blue linen embroidered in cream:
The edging is all couched, and the corbies are done in outline stitch, for better ability to render details. The one on the right is still just tracing paper, which will be basted in place then the embroidery stitched right through the paper, which is just barely durable enough to hold up to that, then can be easily torn away, leaving just the stitchery (as seen on the left)
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It was fun to see Blue Cedar House folks in their native habitat, and the girls flung themselves at me when I arrived, before returning to play with their friends. We all had a lovely lunch cooked by H and B, and Ellie gave me a watercolor landscape she painted. In my opinion, every kitchen is improved with some child art; this pretty thing will be a great addition to the decor here.

Unfortunately after the lovely lunch there was some serious though unintended foo between SC and myself that had her leaving for home before we could even talk. This was really upsetting to me; she'd made some assumptions about what I was and was not willing to do (without asking me). My primary goal this weekend was to have a chance to speak with her [on safe territory, since she owns a large and known to be unreliable Rottweiler-cross that I (and many other folks) am not willing to be around, a dog that nips/bites/disrespects humans. I have been bitten more than one time by large dogs, and do not intend to ever choose to put myself in a risky situation] but sadly, she took my refusal personally. While it is easy to say "not my circus not my monkeys", that rubs raw and wrong when it is an old friend of so many decades standing. Am still trying to figure out where to go next...

So it was rather a weekend of antinomy, where despite being in the places, and with many of the people, I am closest to, I went home feeling more isolated than before... not sure how I ended up in a life where I am tangential to some few, incidental to more, but central to no one but myself. Not sure if it is more painful to just stay by my ownself, and focus only on handicraft, or to continue to be with others, while standing outside the window with my nose pressed against the glass, watching those who are family together, with my pockets empty...

I know that this week will be all about getting work done, there are enamels to be made, various sewing work to be stitched, and a whole assortment of material world tasks that will fill as much time as I am gifted with. My time is better spent doing the work of the world, than in useless speculation and beating head against the brick wall of solitude...

2 comments:

  1. Here is a little virtual hug, though sadly no magical answers to your dilemma. Contact with others is definitely part of the richness life, but can be incredibly hurtful as well as sometimes fantastic. I try to walk my own path in as consistent and genuine way as I can and hope to meet likeminded ones along the way, some for short journeys, others for longer.

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  2. Thank you Ruthie... in general I feel very blessed with how many wonderful friends I do have both here locally and online, as well as my parents and siblings, since we are also close though not nearby geographically. Fortunately I am not always quite this sunk in the depths of an emotional swamp, and in truth there are no magic answers, despite the stories in children's books... a few good productive days and I hope to be my more usual and cheery self

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