Monday, July 15, 2013

wakey wakey


Woke up today by the most horrific nuclear city strike anxiety dream EVER, and I almost never have anxiety dreams... here's hoping it is not precognitive in either a literal or figurative sense! Shall be more at ease once I pass through the oncology gauntlet tomorrow, and hopefully get another three-month reprieve. The between-times have been easier, just a bit, but each time that three-month appointment comes back it seems even harder, cancerheid seems to be stronger... Ongoing therapy feels as if it has not yet taken the edge of my deep somatic distrust and sorrow.

Was supposed to meet friend R downtown today, and our communication got a bit scrambled, so I went home after waiting almost an hour. Turned out she had parental-foo to deal with, totally understandable, and I did get home therefore before the worst of the heat came on today. Got home just in time to answer a telephone query from G about the DMV, since he needed to fill out an accident report after being rear-ended in Eugene and having his new Harley totaled. Fortunately he himself was not badly hurt, and so I got a surprise transitory hug, when he passed through town. 'Tis a sign of at least that chunk of pain healed, that casual contact with him no longer tears my heart.

Not sure if any of my various northern pals will have time to stop off I-5 on their ways home from Oregon Country Fair, but a girl can hope... those are some of the most beloved of friends, and it would be a real treat to have a plethora of hugs to gather like a bouquet to carry with tomorrow...

3 comments:

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  2. (sigh, trying again with verbs)

    May all go/ have gone well with you and your inspiring self today.

    Bookish

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  3. For a long period of time after my divorce I had many "end of the world" dreams of tornados, bombs and the like. Fortunately I was a patient of a talented Jungian psychologist who helped me understand my dreams. Not all of them were scary, but some of them were terrifying. This was a time of great transformation in many areas of my life. My understanding is that a person does not just, at will, leap joyfully into a new way of being. Letting go of what came before is often painful, terrifying and anxiety-ridden, even if what came before was not all that hot. This time of your life may be an end of your old world (being blasted to pieces?) and the beginning of a new world.

    I wish you courage and wisdom as you seek your own new way of being, of living a new life. I'm confident any new life you choose will be complemented or even driven by your considerable creative talents.

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