Friday, March 9, 2012

to float and not to flail

Our plucky heroine feels eversomuch better with balance between alone-time and social-time. Need to get engine turning over properly, the clutch (daily work) that kept it moving not being engaged at present. Not entirely certain about what to continue; after thirty years, mightily tired of being a housemaid, and unsure how/if it is possible to turn to skill-sharing/teaching and earn a living... currently deep in the between right now, doing my best to float and not flail...

C and I met yesterday for Chinese dinner and to see the new Miyazaki film Arietty. Was worth seeing it on the big screen, there were lovely botanical details, and the as always exquisite rain animation. The story was adapted well, being re-set in a modern-ish Japanese context and not losing the charm of the original tale. I still wish that I could have seen it either with the British voiceovers, or in Japanese with subtitles, the Disney voices never sound right to me, particularly in this very British story, and the song that they chose for the ending credits I found to be very jarring. But those are minor quibbles with a very lovely film.

Today was her birthday party, at YaHala. K picked me up early, so I had a good visit over in SE, and saw firsthand the size of adult semi-dwarf apple trees!! L allowed as if I was willing to do the work, espalier would be one way to keep trees within reach of the ground; I have no desire to be scrambling around on ladders when I am an ancient crone. There was so much inspiring vegative growth to see. Some primroses are sweetly scented - who knew? And so very breath-of-spring, the assorted recombinant crocus blossoms in their lawn! I need to do this for Acorn Cottage, it would be LOVELY to look out in the spring and see dappled color between the plum trees. According to K, they come back again and again, and not only increase but set seed, and keep adding beauty. Surely there will be a bit of spare dosh for some bulbs in the fall, and surely there will be more springs to enjoy such beauty. Fingers crossed...

Had an inspiration that my pal C needed a pocket Totoro as a birthday gift. Maybe because we went to see Arietty last night… It occurred to me that adapting the pattern I used for chocobun would be a good jumping off point. I created different ears, made a duplicate stitch white tummy, and embroidered the details. Added whiskers with my standard technique using horsehair. Took about four hours this afternoon.

tiny Totoro, about the size of a hen egg

It seems that left to my own devices I have drifted back to the things I knew so well in my youth: I knit, and make toys, and gifts for folks. I walkabout and looksee, (and now take pictures to share that). Where is my motivation to return to my workbench? I keep saying that I will, but not doing... This perturbs me. Is this part of being betwixt and between? Have I simply become lazy in my convalescence? What is the connection between my inner confusion and illness and the disorganised clutter that is overtaking my home? Can any of my former visions of the future even have the strength to be a vehicle forward? If I knew the answers to these and all the questions I dare not share here, then I would no longer BE in the between place. Starting the engine from stopped takes a great deal of torque. Ain't sayin' can't, ain't sayin' easy... I have great strength of will, once where to place the lever becomes clear...once what the next thing is begins to drift out of this mist, an internal mist on a beautiful sunny early spring day...

6 comments:

  1. I found out about your blog through 3 Hours Past the Edge. Your writing is beautiful and I've just become your newest follower.

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    1. thank you and be welcome, I hope that you will find things here to be of use

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  2. 3hourspast.com/2012/03/11/versatile-blogger-award/ I awarded you a Versatile Blogger Award.. Come over and pick it up if you like. :)

    I feel like that lately, too.. "currently deep in the between right now, doing my best to float and not flail..." Thank you for expressing it so well and beautifully.

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    1. thank you Steph! for both your kind words and for all that you do to share your knowledge and creativity. You inspire me.

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  3. That is just so creative. Your words mirror your art, your soul and your craft, intertwined.

    I have that little guy on a Bento Box I take to work.

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    1. Aww Brigid, that you find value in my words as well means a lot. So much of what you have written affects me deeply, sets off echoes and ripples; I also love the way that you can intertwine the humor and absurdity that sometimes comes your way. I read your post on the "Snake Slayer" out loud to Gryphon while he was visiting, and he could not stop laughing at your description of the range experience, while nodding in agreement with much of the rest...

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