Wednesday, January 25, 2012

wishful Wednesday

in which our plucky heroine hunts for her wayward equanimity...

It has been quite the rocky road this last week. In some ways my recovery is going well, I have been walking quite a lot, started the afternoon I was returned to the bright world, and now that I'm back at home, I have been doing halfmile chunks (on the flat) between the sleep/rest/eat/meds rotation. Up till yesterday, have been hopeful about my progress, despite astonishingly colorful bruising both along the "cut on the dotted line" and on both arms. I would make a very unsuccessful junkie, with my teensy veins. Pathology results back yesterday: information given me by phone is contradictory and not good, requiring yet more and scarier foo. Dr visit scheduled for next Tuesday, a very long time to wait for data, so I have put in a request for a phone consult... (If you want more details, contact me off-line)
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turning past the solstice, the days get longer, and chickens tiny thoughts turn to eggs... look what was in the henhouse yesterday:

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One thing I find tiresome about being ill, or dealing with medical-foo is the way that the world gets very small. Cannot be helped, as so much personal attention must needs be focused on healing, requiring great mental effort to shift focus out of own bellybutton. Despite that, I was very glad to read that the ongoing and ugly dispute at the port of Longview is being resolved. "These aren't Wal-Mart jobs," said Fuqua, a Local 21 longshoreman. "These are family-wage jobs with good benefits. That's what America needs."
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I am righteously weary of being on the short bus, of jumping through smaller and smaller hoops that are labeled "for most folks this takes care of the problem" and finding not rest, but another hoop...

I know that I am not special in this regard, that I am lucky at all to have any medical treatment at all, that there are myriads of folks dealing with far harder things. For as long as I have memory of self-consciousness I have held in my hands the twinned knowledge of mortality and random luck, walking under the warm light of blessings known and unknown. I know that I am not alone in asking for more time...

my wish for today is that my doctor will tell me that this was enough, that I can put my attention on recovery of internal and external continuity, that at least for the time being I get to have my life back.

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