Sunday, January 15, 2012

noms and numbs

Some more beads arrived this week, and I am both heart-touched by the kind thoughts (as well as the kind thoughts from those too faraway to be able to send beads) and enjoying mulling over ideas of how to actually construct said necklace with all these wonderfully diverse gifts, wanting to allow for additions as beads arrive... 'Tis a fun thing to hold in mind, while much else in my mind is all in roiling turmoil. "Look, here is this shiny thing rather than this dark whirlpool..."

The little golden catface came from Kat, the turquoise ceramic bead from Cynthia, Stacy made the spotted lampwork bead, and Emily gave me the one with silvery celtic knotwork. The coins were from the workbench of my dear recently late friend Ian, and his lady Karen brought me the carved Indonesian sea turtle. The shell arrowhead was carved by Gryphon. I know that there are a number of additional beads in transit, various folks have called or emailed me. If love can lift the challenge I face, then surely it will be chased out of dodge by the strong circles that surround me; the brightness is what lights my steps on this unknown path...

I have been cooking soups to stash in the freezer, and yesterday went to the wintertime farmers market downtown, hoping for some fresh veggie treats for the next few days before I am no longer allowed food. Not only did I find the most adorably tiny spaghetti squash, and lacinato kale, but a small splurge brought home some lamb riblets. Lamb is my favorite meat, other than elk; riblets are currently in the convection oven roasting on low. They will be a tasty late lunch, along with my favorite kale salad.

My feelings about the upcoming surgery are alternating between terror and numbness. I guess that is better than constant terror. My mind is calm, knowing the necessity, but my emotions are unwilling to sign on with the program. So I turn my focus to remembering that I am loved, which helps. The other thing that seems related is that it is being very hard to force myself to do the housey-prep things necessary, the sorting and culling and reconfiguring of my fabric and craft supplies. It seems that my inner self figures that if I do not prepare, then it will not happen...

Hi ho hi ho, off to sort more fabric I go...

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