Now mind, complaining is boring and not useful. But I miss having someone(s) to bounce hard ideas of off, to talk things out as a way of making sense out of what might be possible, to get a feel for what may become common ground. The closest I come is to write things here, but it is a pale imitation, without the reassurance and challenge of contact.
Now mind, I have many friends, both here in Portland and all around, good people all, with busy lives and kind hearts. It feels greedy to want a bestest friend, a someone who I can call and say hey, I need to talk, and know that they will make the time, that they know me deeply enough that we can communicate beyond just the surface. Maybe such connection does not happen more than once or twice in a life; maybe most folks look for that in their mate or partners. I'm not intending any slight to any or all of my pals.
Now mind, for years as a young adult I paid someone to listen to me, to help me "sort things out", Despite my best efforts, it made no difference at all, and in the end started feeling like a kind of surrogate life, like paying a whore for the facsimile of love. And I'm not looking for counseling now, I don't think that I'm somehow out of adjustment with reality.
When reality itself is shifting, does it make more sense to adjust to how it was, or to figure out how to surf the changes?
...I'd still like a hug, and a chance to sit down with a cup of tea for a talk